As the news surfaced that the trade "Mighty Max" had taken right at the Open stood, my heart melted, jaw dropped, and fingers went numb. This man.... who woke up this morning looking like Owen Wilson midgetfied... saw an arbitrage opportunity loaded up on a dip buy. The results? He banked over $1mm.... on that one trade. I hear that he has to spend the next few days working his way out of it but I felt the need to recapture this experience. The first question that comes to mind is, "Do I deserve that moment?" Yes. "Have I given it 110% of what I'm physically able to do?" Yes! Can I give it just a little more?....
     My aspirations don't include me to just wake up one day with $10k in each of my checkings/savings account, an assorted sports car collection, and my choice of fine customized suits. I want to be the best. I'm surrounded by these guys, and who knows what they're thinking when they wake up. Maybe it's, "Today I'm going to wreck this motherfucking market." Maybe a "God fucking damn, I can't wait to trade." Or it could be, "$10k is okay but I'm shooting for $50." Perhaps, these are just my thoughts. Regardless, I'm sucked into a world where I no longer understand the value of money. All I know is I want to compete with these guys. I want to show up in the same emails as them. I want them to notice I exist and challenge me to be better... because me challenging myself isn't good enough. And that's painful. Society will tell you to try your best. I can tell you that in my world your best isn't enough. It has to be better than his best, and his best... it has to be the best.
     I'm 25 years old. I've spent 15 months trying to figure this out. In the prop world, in my world, I come to work everyday and underachieve... and then I psychologically battle my way to believe that tomorrow I'll achieve a little more. Ambition's a curse. Good enough will never be good enough. But I'll pause my pen here and conclude. I'm going to get a lot better and I will start with challenging myself. Yes, I know that's not good enough... but in this moment, I just realized that trading was never about being good enough. I've been focusing on the wrong things.

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