Dear Reader,

I wonder how long you've been visiting this site, reading about my usual banters, abundance of bravado, and wolfcries of passion. I wonder if you read this with the thought that I'm just another developing trader trying to get through the curve. I wonder often if I would make it myself. When the market gave me a rip, I shrugged it off and tried again the next day. I've kept my eyes glued to my monitors for the next trade... and slowly traded my way into a $28k hole. And then it happened....

Something clicked. I, who have never failed at anything in life, was getting my ass handed to me by the Market. I was seconds away from the worst possible thought of quitting, but again... something clicked. Tick. Tick. Tick. I got up from my bed and lifted my rug up. Wrestling underneath were years of problems, an accumulation of my personal concerns and trading dissatisfactions. I sat there in my room with watery eyes wondering if I can do this any longer.

Dear Reader. It was easy to show up and trade, and even easier to lose thousands of dollars that did not come from my pockets. I thought to myself, "Eh. What's a thousand dollar loss? I'll make $5k back!" Trading was the easy part. Ironically, I had uncover multiple levels of life's complexity at this moment. It was easy to live the superficial life, going to 6th Street and hitting up the women around me with the infamous "I'm a trader" line. It was easy to tell people how successful I would someday be because the guy who sits down my row is already making $20k a month. It was easy to go through our Leader Boards and think sometime soon I will see my name move up.

As for the difficulty? It was hard falling in love. It was extremely challenging to absorb this passion I had for the markets.... and not be as good as others who have shown interest. It was difficult to have graduated from a top tier college program and not make a dime while practically living on my good friends' couch. In order to feed and cloth myself, I donated plasma twice a week for months and took part time jobs cleaning toilets, mopping floors, emailing useless telemarketing information to consumers, etc. It was difficult doing all of these tasks not because it made me exhausted. I didn't mind. The hardest part of the day for me was not being in front of my trading platform, to not be in the middle of the present greats, to not make huge financial decisions, to not be competing.... I'm addicted. I'm addicted to this phenomena that won't let me be good or recognized as a talent, addicted to the fact that my natural charisma and energy won't give me the automatic "W."

Dear Reader. Something clicked. I think I'm beginning to figure things out, figuring pieces of me out. I'm figuring my weaknesses as well as my strengths and ways to use them. Maybe it was more important all along that I found ways to address them. I'm almost a year into my trading career and yet to have made a dime. Yet, I'm awake every morning after 3-4 hours of sleep and I come into the office with the hugest smile. I want to trade. Jaynu's Trading 2.0 will be a more meaningful project to me going forth. I have discarded previous entries that didn't represent me as a trader. This big isn't to entertain nor feed anyone's curiosity. This will be your portal to understand my daily life and struggle and final peace with myself. You'll see me slowly grow into a profitable trader. And then into a good trader. And then into one of the greats. Follow this blog and watch me as I build my empire 100 shares at a time going forth.

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